E.R. Games.

Calling 911 is really scary.  You realize you've just admitted that something is terribly wrong and there is nothing you can do about it.  NOTHING.

I hope this makes sense, because it is exhausting for me to type.  I just want to get it written down before it blurs together and I forget the way the story goes. :-/

On Thursday, I had attempted to nap with my daughter, but after an hour I still hadn't fallen asleep.  Not unusual for me.  I sat up to use the restroom and realized my heart was beating pretty hard.  Also not unusual for me.  I've always had a high metabolism, so a rapid heartbeat and sweaty palms are the norm.

I went downstairs to read a book and practicing some breathing exercises.  My heart rate stayed elevated, so after another hour I began to get a little worried. 

I called a friend, and she said it may be the effects of the cup of coffee I'd shared with her that morning, since I'm not a coffee drinker.  I couldn't catch my breath, so I got off of the phone to go make some juice.

I called my mom, and she told me she'd call me right back.

I called my mother-in-law, no answer.

I went over to the vortex of hypochondriasis that is the Internet and began researching what my resting heart rate SHOULD be, then timed what it really was, which was about 115-120.  That lit a fire under my butt to really get some help, because I knew something was wrong.

I was calling our local walk-in clinic to see if I could talk to a nurse about my symptoms, when I swooned and I knew I was about to faint.  I hung up and dialed 911 and was simultaneously gasping for air, trying to stay conscious, and banging on the door of my neighbor's house so I could get my daughter to a safe place before I fainted.

The ambulance arrived, and by that time I was shaking, nauseous, had a tightness in my chest and a rapid heart rate.  I could barely breathe, and I was scared out of my fucking mind.

E.R. Round One:  Mercy Medical Center. 3:00pm-7:00pm.

After being admitted and realizing I was healthy as a horse, then the head scratching began.  My heart rate would not drop below 130-140bpm, and a resting rate should only be about 50/60bpm to 90/100bpm.  I got over my initial fear of DYING after being picked up by the ambulance, so panic was not a reason for those numbers.  I've done yoga.  I've done meditation.  I KNOW how to calm myself down.  But I couldn't lower my heart rate.

DIAGNOSIS:  All tests came back normal.  Diagnosed with Palpitations (irregular heartbeat).  Told to go home, pop some Benedryl, drink some chamomile tea and go to sleep.  My heart rate was still high, and I still had tightness in my chest, trouble breathing, sweaty palms, dizziness, and nausea.

E.R. Round Two:  Mercy Medical Center.  Midnight-6:00am.

I took some Benedryl, drank my tea, tried watching a movie in bed with my kiddo.  I almost dozed off a few times, but when the movie ended she fell asleep and I got dizzy.  Like I was laying on a water bed.  I sat up, dizzy went away.  Lay down, dizzy came back.  I got up and went downstairs, sat on the couch and thought of Dori from Finding Nemo. I used the mantra for breathing instead of swimming.  I tuned in to my body and was scared to find I still had every symptom except the rapid heartbeat.  I called my mom and asked her to take me back to the hospital.

More tests, still healthy in every way possible.  I wanted to scream that SOMETHING is wrong with me, people!  Can't you see??!!

DIAGNOSIS:  All tests came back normal.  Diagnosed with Cardiac Arrhythmia.  Told to go home and take some Zofran for the nausea.  Heart rate was better, but I was still dizzy and having trouble breathing because of the tightness in my chest. 

E.R. Round Three: Shasta Regional Medical Center.  11:00pm-3:00am. 

Now it is Friday night.  I have not slept in about 48 hours.  My husband had worked out of town that week and was finally home just in time to take me to my last stint.

I was trying to sleep after another go of the Benedryl/chamo tea, but the dizziness was worse than ever, washing over me in waves every 30 seconds of lying down.  Breathing also became more difficult the more horizontal I was. 

I was actually scared that I would not wake up.  Just because the tests showed good health did not mean anything to me. I had a gut feeling that something was (and still is) wrong.  So off to the emergency room again.  I was determined to make this time my last.

More tests, shockingly healthy.  Surprise, surprise.  I broke down crying and told them that I just wanted to go to sleep.

DIAGNOSIS:  All tests came back normal.  Diagnosed with Acute Bronchospasm.  The final doctor basically told me that there wasn't ONE thing they could diagnose that would umbrella my symptoms, because my tests were clean.  Instead, he decided to give me a breathing treatment for the tight chest, and Lorazepam for anxiety (basically to help me go to sleep).

As I am sitting here now, my palms are sweaty, I feel dizzy when I am standing for more than 60 seconds, my breathing feels better after I use the inhaler, and the anxiety pill has helped me sleep AND take a nap.  I'm shaky and tired, and my heart hurts a little bit, but I'm still breathing.

I'm Still Here...

... just having to put Mommy stuff before gym time.  Ugh, I know, right? :-)

My tot got this awful sicky thing just after I posted about thinking I was to have an amaze-balls workout week.  Ha ha ha HA HA, you win this time, karma!  With the hubster out of town, nobody wants to watch a sick babe.

I am taking this in stride.  One step forward, two steps back.  Then a million steps forward for the rest of my life. :-)

Lil' Bitty Progress Post.

                                                    
Yeah, you can pick my body apart all you'd like (I see cellulite, ewwww!), but my muscles are just, like, aching to break free.  I love juicing, I can get all of my nutrients that way, but I never had enough energy to really BUILD during that time.

After ending my juice fast I've started over at zero.  I am trying to balance juicing, eating healthy, exercising, and sleeping.  The juicing and exercising have been easier for me than the eating healthy and sleeping.  I've been slowly cutting out processed food by eating HEALTHY processed food (so when I am finally able to eat clean, my body won't miss the flavorless substitutes!  But those rice cakes are actually pretty good.  Ha.).

Anyway, I'm still here trying to figure shit out one day at a time. 

I feel a super-duper workout week coming on, so stay tuned for some Trainer Boy updates.  I hope he has some wisdom for us! :-)

Personal Trainer Tippy Tips.

So, trainer boy has long-ago permanent injuries to his ribs and left foot.  He is also a crossfit freak.... which he can never do ever again.  He can't even run. 

Forget tire flipping, let's do stool presses!

So here I am, letting my body go to waste all of these years for NO reason (because I have absolutely no injuries and can pretty much do any kind of exercise), and there are people out there in agony because they can physically no longer do the thing they love.  Their calling.  Their precious.

I feel ashamed.  I feel like if we were cars, he would be a pristine Aston Martin.  I would be a dusty sedan with a messy interior that breaks down every few hundred miles.  Why is it SO HARD to just do what needs to be done and take care of our bodies?

                                               Trainer Boy.                                                Moi.

Anyway, I'm already sidetracked for this post.  I'm going to share a few choice factos that I've been learning from all of the "gymmies" that take their time to help me. Some of them may contradict each other, which is what SERIOUSLY fascinates me about the exercise world. 

1.)  There is no way you can follow someone else's diet/exercise plan.  After two months of totally legit, super-duper sluethy internet research by yours truly, I finally get it.  You literally have to know everything about your own body.  The outlines that trainers and bodybuilders give you is just that.  An outline.  A skeleton.  YOU have to do the work to tweak things so your body benefits as much as it can.

2.)  Buy tupperware.  Every trainer I bump into at the gym usually chats with me during a lunch break.  They open up their little storage container and I've only seen the following inside;  chicken, brown rice, veggies, quinoa.  And, repeat. 

3.)  Buy some isolate protein powder and fish oil supplements.

4.)  Figure out what to eat or drink and when.  Eat your (healthy) fattiest, carbiest meal about an hour before you do your major workout of the day (um, yeah.  Haven't figured that one out yet).  After the workout, make a shake that contains oats, egg whites, a spoon of natural peanut butter, your protein powder, and some ice.  The when and the what of the eating and the drinking is what really gets my gears turning, because EVERY SINGLE PERSON gives different advice!

Sure you can juice your spinach!  Ahh-guh-guh-guh-guh!

5.)  You HAVE to give your body 1-2 days of rest during the week. 

6.)  Have you heard the phrase "My warm-up is harder than your workout?".  Yeah, well, it's true.  Try doing a fifteen minute warm-up with one of these methods:  Elliptical.  I set it to random, enter my weight and my level, then the time to fifteen minutes.  Go at a normal pace for the first two minutes.  After that, every time the little squares on the screen are stacked at one, two, or three, you GO FOR IT.  Just kill it.  Then go back to the normal pace and repeat this method (better known as HIIT, or high intensity interval training).  Bicycle.  Ride for the first two minutes at a normal pace, then go thirty seconds of intensity with one and a half minutes of "rest".  Treadmill.  Set it at a walking pace, then kick up the elevation as high as it goes and walk uphill for ten to fifteen minutes.

She eats my workouts for breakfast.

My disclaimer?  I'm obviously not a personal trainer, dietician, or doctor.  I'm just the messenger passing along these little tidbits, because I'm really learning as I go.

Meatheads.

My trainer girl has moved on to bigger and better things.  She took a job at a different gym, and we haven't worked out together in a few weeks now.  Sad.  And tough.  I actually enjoy having a workout buddy as opposed to duking it out on my own.

Yeah, not me.  Or my trainer.  But you get the idea.



I always talk to the front desk staff at my gym (which is how I met trainer girl) whether they are associates or trainers.  A select few have really taken me under their wing and have been helping me, guiding, me, and giving me priceless tips about diet and exercise.

About a week ago, I was introduced to Trainer Boy.  He is a complete opposite of the gal I've been exercising with, but it's a GOOD thing.  After talking to my favorite front desk dude about isolate protein powders and fish oil (because we're cool), trainer boy jumps in and realizes I'm legit about changing my life.

The magic words.

"Hey, I have a few clients who pre-pay for sessions, then don't answer my calls when it's time to schedule.  At the end of the month, if I have any leftover open time, come on in and I'll train you."

Really, readers?  Do you guys even KNOW how lucky I feel?  This is the second trainer who has sacrificed time and energy to help ME.

I'm going to re-preach a previous post, because it begs to be said.  ASK FOR HELP.

That's all I do.  I ask and ask and ask and ask.  Not for everything, don't get me wrong.  It's usually a "Can you show me how to use this equipment?", "What in the freaking heck is a Superman Surfer?" or "Is there a certain brand of protein powder I should avoid?".  The difference between just asking and actually asking and doing is what catches the attention of the staff. 

Please don't think I am trying to get everybody to scam on trainers.  I wish I could afford to pay for a personal trainer, because in my mind the way I've treated my body these past few years, I DON'T deserve the advice I've been recieving.  I'm just trying to help you all understand that when you put yourself out there and make others realize that you are SERIOUS about a new way of life, good things will come of it. 

For real.

P.S.  Trainer boy looks like a meathead, but as it turns out, he's quite awesome.  I guess you can't judge a book by it's cover, even if that book looks like a gorgeous beefed-up snobby fitness model with dimples and long eyelashes.  Think A.C. Slater sans mullet. :-)

What?  Oh, I'm just headed to the gym to fix Kristen's bod.

Foul Mouth and Week Five...

... of THIS crazy plan, and I feel stronger!  I love walking in to my gym and straight into the weight area with confidence.  The staff is so unbelievably helpful and genuinely excited for me!

It's insane that there is this other world out there right under our noses, but most of us would rather walk into the gym, avoid eye contact with everybody, and walk straight over to the cardio machines.  I totally used to do that. 

My thinking went something like "Okay, Kristen.  Let's get this over with.  Twenty minutes of jogging.  You can do it.  Shit shit shit!  My machine is being used!  Now I have to jog right in front of someone and my butt will be jiggling right in their FACE!"

Now I think "Shit shit shit!  I hate cardio days!  Get me back over to the free weights, man!"

That is not a joke.  I have to research most of the exercises with the weights (like skullcrushers, Russian lunges, burpees, etc.  Doesn't the name 'burpee' make you want to gag?), but I am LOVING trying new things and feeling ten thousand different muscles burning that I never even knew could burn. 

Sigh.  It's awesome.

Since I spend five days a week at the gym, I haven't had time for my other love, which is vintage clothing!  My etsy shop is pretty thinned out, but I was able to get a few new items listed HERE and HERE.  If you love vintage kiddo clothing as much as I do, browse around!

Here are some more linky links if you've reached the end of the internet and you're looking for some brain food:

- Baby Bumps and Barbells

- How to make perfect hard-boiled eggs (I'm ashamed to say I never knew how!)

- 15 Things You Should Give Up to be Happy

- Supermarket Lies Revealed

Celebrate the Random!

*don't blink, you'll miss a link!

June is National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month.  Who knew?  After learning this fun fact, I decided to do a little research and find out what healthy "celebrations" I've been missing out on.  I think it could be a fun way to mix up your diet and learn some fun, new recipes!

National Turkey Lovers' Month:  Simple Turkey Roll-Up Snack (my own idea, although I'm sure I'm not the first):  Take a slice of deli turkey and a fat-free string cheese, then ROLL IT UP!

National Dairy Month:  Healthy Cottage Cheese Pancakes... YUM.

National Papaya Month:  Just juice it!  How to juice a papaya.

June 12 is National Peanut Butter Cookie Day:  Muffin Top-Less Peanut Butter Protein Cookies.  I follow this gal's tumbler site, she always has great recipes for those of you with a sweet tooth!

June 13 is National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day:  Sometimes we just need to stick to the basics. :-)  Recipes for the Hopeless Cook, and again.

This was fun!  I'll post some recipes at the beginning or each month, and we can try them out together!